Better To Have Loved And Lost…
So I recently had a very interesting conversation with someone who is, by any appraisal, a very devout Christian and creationist. The conversation began with a debate about the validity of evolution vs. intelligent design. I think there was some miscommunication, but in any case, there couldn’t really be said to be any winner or loser, and it eventually became less of a competitive debate and more of a curious debate. From evolutionary biology it shifted to evolutionary psychology, specifically the place of morality in an evolutionary theory of existence. This ended up sort of wandering, and some of the largest points never really got made before it shifted to a more personal question asked of me: whether or not I (for lack of a better word) mourn the absence of a divine presence in my atheistic (or at least absurdist) and evolutionary worldview, whether I wouldn’t prefer to have a nonsensical belief that brings me a feeling of “goodness” than “believe in nothing and take all the spirituality and the feeling way deep in your gut where you feel like you’ve been touched by a higher being.”
This is an interesting question, and one precious few have asked me (though I consider it to be among the more useful questions one could ask of an atheist). To make a somewhat long ramble somewhat shorter, I told him that no, I don’t, and no, I wouldn’t. I explained my beliefs: that humanity was not created, that life originally formed through the random collision and bonding of particles, and then evolved into modern life, that there is no soul, that our minds are entirely physical, and that when we die we are dead, finished. Most importantly, I explained that I do not believe that life must have meaning injected into it by an outside force to be worth living, that I am entirely capable of creating my own meaning, and that I am very content with that; more so, in fact, than if I believed there were a higher power. Being an essentially nice person, he accepted this, expressing his wish that I might “one day feel the joy of God,” but also that he was happy enough that I was happy with my beliefs, and conceded his lack of leg on which to stand in an attempt to convert me.
This was near the close of the discussion, though before it ended I mentioned that I grew up a fairly devout little Christianling, and from there, I developed a belief that is uniquely my own, and that it made sense to me, and continues to. When I did, he expressed a curious sentiment with a curious phrase, namely the trite-but-often-true “Better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all.” This gave me a moment of pause, and I’ve been thinking about it, and when I think about it, it makes sense, though quite likely not in the way he meant. I believe that having once believed the ideas that I now disagree with, I have a far better platform from which to disagree with them. Having a not only a good clinical understanding of the ideas, but also a good first-hand understanding of the way the mind works when based on these ideas is incredibly beneficial.
Anyway, there should be more, but I’m tired, and I got distracted, so that’s my very wordy pearl of wisdom for the… month.
Ben said,
June 24, 2009 at 9:40 am
That’s pretty interesting.
I like to think that I used to be really christian, but, nah. That’s just pretty not true. I was always pretty unsure of all the religious stuff I was taught when I was younger. I mean, I’m pretty sure I believed that escalators would actually eat me if I didn’t step off at the top more than the existence of an omnipotent being pulling the strings on my life.
I do, however, remember that for a brief span when I was a little kid I believed vehemently that god was trying to speak through me. I eventually realized it was just a string of recurring nightmares involving helicopters, cliffs, and puppies.
…I was a weird kid.
decalis said,
June 24, 2009 at 4:59 pm
You? Weird? Never!